http://www.artful-i.com/blog/ Blogging my way back to a three-dimensional life en-US Copyright 2008 Sat, 20 Dec 2008 21:16:59 -0600 http://www.sixapart.com/movabletype/ http://www.rssboard.org/rss-specification
Over Thanksgiving I gave up on painting and went back to photography. No regrets. I made a ton of shots of creepy antique dolls and came out with five good ones, one or two in particular were probably the best shots I've ever done of anything. I also already had three good shots of abandoned building interiors that I made a few years ago with some great light patterns. So that gave me eight photos. But that wasn't enough.

I was limited to moody studio shots against black in my little extra bedroom, so I needed some variety. I had this great idea to go to the CTC Auto Ranch just north of Denton on I-35 and take pictures of their cars. I've seen this place a million times going to and from Oklahoma, and I always wanted to stop. So I called them and asked if they ever let people take pictures and they said sure--a little reluctantly I thought, but maybe I was imagining it. It's $5 a person to walk through the yard and you can bring your camera. The hitch? They're closed on weekends. I had this brilliant idea on a Thursday night with a beautiful weekend coming up and a rainy Monday and Tuesday right after. So finally Wednesday of the next week I went out there and spent the afternoon. I did almost 200 shots, and again picked five of the best. And the people who work there are great. But being the overachiever I am, I still didn't feel like it was enough.

I had studio shots, some old interior shots and now outdoor shots with some really interesting light patterns. What I didn't have was created light, or even light that was taken from a reference but improved through art. So I sailed up 75 one day looking for fireworks stands. The first one I found was a white one with blue stars sitting against a spectacular sunset. This was a great opportunity because I knew that photography would give me either a great exposure on the sunset or a great exposure on the building, but not both at the same time. So I took multiple exposures and did a digital painting using multiple references. That picture is currently on my home page.

So... one more outdoor shot, although a little more creative than the others. I decided I needed two more fireworks stands because I needed it to be a series with different lighting in each. So I found another on a cloudy, cold afternoon and then one on an even cloudier, colder evening with headlights as the sole light source. I did digital paintings from both, again from multiple exposures (except for the afternoon shot, where one exposure was enough). Now I had a series.

In fact, I had four series: cars, fireworks stands, abandoned buildings and dolls. But it still wasn't enough. I had nothing purely conceptual, and no interiors with artificial light, which is pretty common in the world. And time was running out. Pixar had already taken their job posting off CreativeHeads.net, but before I went into a full-blown panic and subsequent severe depression I decided to check the career postings on their own site and see if the job might still be listed there. Not only was it listed, but the date of the listing was just the day before I looked for it. I was good for probably another week. So I went for it, and that's when it really started to get difficult.

I did a drawing in college that I've always been proud of, and I've even done an animation based on part of this drawing (see Bumps in the Night). So I decided to redo this drawing digitally. After finishing my fireworks stands late last Sunday night (I hope I never have to draw grass again), I took the afternoon off this past Monday, thinking I could start and finish the drawing in about 8 hours. I was way off. Luckily I had already taken Tuesday off in the hopes that I could get the reel edited together and sent to Pixar that day, but it turned out that I needed it to sleep, among other things. I worked on that drawing non-stop until 10am Tuesday morning. The weather was icy and the office was closed, so I would have been home anyway; I went to bed hoping I could get up at 2:30 and the roads would be drivable and I still could go to Richardson, get my new printed resumes and samples, and maybe get the reel edited and out the door. But when I woke up that afternoon things had not improved. In fact, everything was white. For a moment I had to wonder just how long I was out. And then I realized I wasn't leaving the house that day whether I liked it or not, so I might as well do one more drawing.

By about 3:45 Wednesday morning I had a digital drawing of my bathroom with the lights on and light coming through the window and hitting the wall (taken from some earlier photographic references). Not completely realistic but still interesting and a good interior study. I took a shower and got to bed at 4:30, thinking I'd take off Wednesday afternoon to finish everything up (go to Richardson, finish the last edits on the reel, put a book together and go to FedEx). I left work at noon and made it to Richardson but didn't make it back home until 3. I had bought an 8"x8" blank board book at Michael's that I could spray mount a cover, my resume, shot list and some samples into. It took two hours to cut the prints and spray mount them into the book. But it looked great when I was done. I put one of those adhesive CD sleeves on the inside cover and put the DVD inside, and then wrapped the whole thing in Christmas lights wrapping paper with a tag that said, "To: Pixar, From: Your Next Lighting TD." I attached a small keychain flashlight to the package and by this time, it was too late to go to FedEx. In fact, after I had spent 3 hours at my neighbors' Christmas party and then came back to perfect the DVD and wrap the package, it was about 2:30 Thursday morning.

I got it to FedEx on Thursday during my lunch hour. It cost me $50 to ship it overnight; since I had one more day in the week before Christmas, I didn't take any chances. So with the exception of going to work and doing my Christmas shopping in a record 30 minutes on Friday afternoon, I've been sleeping ever since. And I've been generally angry at the world, which I think is a reaction to the abrupt end of extreme stress, sleep deprivation and starting to drink Cokes again after I had quit. I'll tackle that last one in the list tomorrow and see if anything improves.

So now I wait, again. ILM has gone dark on me, I've pretty much given up on getting a response from anyone over there. But that just tells me that there's something better waiting in the wings. I'm out of a job at the end of February, and I've taken an $800/month pay cut just to ensure it lasts that long. So whatever is out there for me better show up pretty soon. But if it's always darkest before the dawn, I guess it's only fitting that it happens on the shortest day of the year. Look for the reel on my site to be updated in the next few days. Merry Christmas!
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/12/hitting-the-wall-face-first.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/12/hitting-the-wall-face-first.html Life with CG Lighting & texturing ILM lighting Pixar SIGGRAPH Sat, 20 Dec 2008 21:16:59 -0600
So here's the thing. I blew off photography early on because I couldn't control the light like I could in a real studio, so I decided to paint a few still lifes instead, thinking what I couldn't do in real life with light, I could do with paint. Well, maybe I could control the light in my paintings but I couldn't control the paint in my paintings. I was working too small and too fast to really do my best. So I gave up on painting and decided to play with pretty much every light I have in my house. I had already bought some colored light bulbs for my still lifes, so all I had to do was improvise some bounce cards and a barn door for the key light. The hardest part though was rim lighting. The white card you see at the top is actually a 16x20 canvas board improvised into a bounce card. It failed, but it made a nice snake light holder for a back light. The blank canvas on the easel came in really handy too--whenever I set the timer on the camera I grabbed that canvas and held it over the top of the setup. It provided just enough bounce light to put some volume into the shadows.

I've learned more about lighting in the last 6 hours than I think I've ever learned in my life. I'm saving the photos for the reel because they are just way too cool for the blog. And no, the car's not going in. I finally figured out how to manually set the exposure on my camera so I might just give that one another try. So stay tuned. It's going to get really interesting in the next few days. And Pixar still has that lighting job listed!
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/doityourself-photo-studio.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/doityourself-photo-studio.html Lighting & texturing lighting Pixar Fri, 28 Nov 2008 23:45:12 -0600
I may not have set up the lights myself, but I know good lighting when I see it. Call it a reference shot. There's some great texture in the car too. I particularly like the green glow coming through the car windows--there's a street light in the distance.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/let-there-be-light.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/let-there-be-light.html Lighting & texturing lighting Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:32:57 -0600
So I've covered the suffering part. What does the silence refer to? ILM, that's what. And frankly it also refers to some of the suffering. I'm not even hearing crickets from them right now. I sent two messages last week and no response to either. I really hope if I'm no longer in the running that they'll just say so. Until they say anything, however, they will continue to hear from me.

On another note, apparently I'm not completely unemployable... I was offered a job by Sony last week. I ended up turning it down. And it wasn't because I was confident I'd get an offer from ILM; quite the contrary. Given how I felt about my interview performance, and the deafening silence from them since, I have yet to be confident about that. It was mainly because they only hire for the length of the production and I just can't see selling 2/3 of my stuff and moving all the way out there to be out of a low-paying job in a year. Now chances are I could successfully campaign to get on the next production, but who wants that kind of stress? I would much rather spend my energy doing my job to the best of my abilities rather than worrying about how long I'll be able to keep it.

I used the situation to nudge ILM to at least let me know if I was still in the running. Not a word. I wrote them again after I turned down the job, and explained that I am also in a better position to wait for the ideal job now because my contract at Collin County will likely be extended another couple of months (true--I found out the day after I got the offer). Still no response. I really hope they're just busy and that they're not the type of people to hold your future in their hands, make a decision to drop it and then just walk away without a word. I've dealt with that before. It's extremely disrespectful. And it goes against every fiber of my being to not communicate, to not even say, "I got your message, I'm really busy but I'll get back to you soon." I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt for now though. If they're really recruiting like crazy, then they're busy like crazy. I'll send them a nice Happy Thanksgiving message on Monday and hope for the best, at least until I find out that all hope is lost.

Seriously, I'm a big girl. I can take "no" for an answer. What I can't take is no answer for an answer.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/suffering-in-silence.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/suffering-in-silence.html Life with CG ILM lighting Sony Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:58:06 -0600
Pixar has a Lighting TD position open. The listing asks for personal work in addition to cg. I know what they're looking for--the ability to light. 3 point studio lighting, creative lighting, lighting for mood--paintings, digital photos, you name it. Now I wouldn't send this photo in a million years, but I just might paint it. I can have a lot more control over lights in a painting than I can in the back bedroom with a few standard bulbs and some bounce off the semi-gloss. And a flashlight. I highlighted the doll's face with a flashlight. It comes out too hot in the photo.

Currently, all my paintings have pretty flat lighting or else are done from old photos, most of which are lit with a flash. So this is my chance to really do something creative with light. I'll have to improvise colors, because I don't have anything colorful I can place over my bulbs that won't catch on fire. What's really going to suck is painting in the dark. If I turn on the regular lights in this room, this gets washed out. So I'll be doing this pretty much in the dark. At least Daylight Savings Time is over, so it's dark when I get home at night. I don't have to fight the sun coming in three windows and the back door.

The possibility of doing this the way it needs to be done, getting it on my reel and getting it to Pixar in time is a long shot, but I'd feel a lot worse if I didn't try at all.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/a-long-shot-is-better-than-no.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/a-long-shot-is-better-than-no.html Lighting & texturing lighting Pixar Mon, 10 Nov 2008 00:37:14 -0600
My last phone interview was last Thursday. I don't know why it seems like such an eternity since then, but it does. Probably because I want it. And because I'm out of a job at the end of December.

I was asked a question in this interview that I've never been asked before. "What kind of classes did you take for your minor in Computer Science?" Wow, do you know how long ago that was? (I didn't really want to make an issue of that either. Not that it's relevant to what I'm capable of--that's the point. It's not.) Not that it was a bad question, actually it was a good one. But once you get in the field and start using what you know, you don't think of it in terms of classes anymore. I don't feel like I answered that question well. I answered truthfully, but I was trying to access an area of my brain that's been dormant for many years. I remembered what I still use in a general sense: languages and math. After I hung up I thought, OH YEAH Assembly Language, Data Structures, Calculus... shoot me. Just shoot me.

At least I remembered that graduate level computer graphics class I took my senior year.

Obviously the Viz Lab thought I was well prepared. They gave me a fellowship to attend. Interesting how sometimes I have less confidence in myself than others do. That is, until I'm given a problem to solve. Then WATCH OUT. There's no such thing as a problem that can't be solved. Not in my hands.

Another question was more specifically related to what I did at Multigen, which was about how I approached improving the speed of our radar module. It's amazing what you can forget when you don't see the code for two years. I might have pulled that one out in the end, but in the beginning I was struggling to make sense without giving away export controlled (i.e. federal prison-getting), proprietary information, some of which I couldn't even remember that well. I can say though that I started taking calculations out of the software and moved them one by one into the hardware shaders until we achieved an acceptable balance of speed vs. accuracy. And not only that, but I rewrote the IR Sensor module--and created its sibling, vpCamera--all using object oriented design patterns. That's something I didn't learn in school, but I thank my boss at Multigen (Scott) for encouraging me to learn it and use it. Now, I can't imagine life without it. Although often I have to because of the limitations of Actionscript.

Not feeling very confident after all that, I decided to post a code sample so they could see how I solve problems. First I asked a friend back at Multigen (Presagis) if I could use an excerpt of the code I wrote there. No go. Proprietary, legal would freak, all that. I wasn't even asking for the export controlled stuff, but still I wasn't surprised. So then I started digging in my old programs I wrote for my 2d image processing class at the lab. They were so elementary (and frankly my style left a bit to be desired at the time) that I just didn't feel like it would be putting my best foot forward. So finally I opted for a recent Flash project that not only used some 2d graphics concepts but also a few different custom classes. The artwork sucked but it wasn't mine, and unfortunately I wasn't allowed to mess with it. But the code was sound. My Multigen work was absolutely the most complex and relevant work I've done, but sometimes you just have to make the best of what you have. So I built a page explaining the project, posted the files and sent a link. And now I wait, hoping I didn't just step in it by doing that.

One thing that's really been on my mind though, even more than these other rambling idiot moments, was a tangent I managed to get off on about my work history. My mom thinks I have the most intimidating (in a good way) resume she's ever seen (she was a manager for many years so that's not your basic mom compliment). I, however, am a bit concerned over how many jobs I've had. I do want a place where I can settle down and contribute long term, and by "long term" I mean at least four years, hopefully longer. I have had that a couple of times. I've also found myself in situations I didn't bargain for and couldn't find a way to solve without taking myself out of the picture entirely. When a problem arises, my first instinct is to try to solve it, not look for the door. But sometimes finding the door is really the best thing for all involved. My experience at BWC is the perfect example of that. The needs of the interactive team grew beyond my skill set, and I could not for the life of me find a way to train myself adequately while still providing the service our customers deserved. That also made it very hard for me to try to grow the department where I thought it needed to grow, because I only had a vague sense of what that meant; I did not have the experience at that time to make the right decisions to grow it properly. So what do you do in that situation? You do what I did. You exit gracefully and bring in your own replacement, who ideally is the vision of what you believe you should have been to really succeed in that position. I was very lucky that my friend Melinda was looking for a job at that time. She had the experience and the drive to make it work, and she's doing it. She's running into the same brick walls I did, but she has the tools to plow through them. I did not. So everyone involved is better off, especially BWC. And they were without a body at my desk for all of three days. No harm done.

I never wanted to move around as much as I have. I think that happens more often to those who either don't know what they want, or are avoiding what they want by doing everything BUT that. I fall into the latter category, for many reasons I would rather not get into here. And as of this year, I am actively LEAVING that category.

Frankly I'm pretty proud of how all that worked out for me, Melinda and BWC. But you can't put all that on a resume--especially one that's too long already. You hope you can get all the words out in an interview if it comes up. I wasn't able to. But I did say that when all that happened, I had to sit down and take a hard look at where I really wanted my career to go. And now I am finally in a position to no longer be a member of the "doing everything but what I really want to" group. Once I get out of that group, and I hope that's very soon, I do plan to stay out. For good.

Tomorrow it will be a week since I had my last interview. That's really not that long. Sure feels like it though.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/limbo-not-good-at-it.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/11/limbo-not-good-at-it.html Life with CG ILM Viz Lab Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:02:17 -0600
In retrospect, I probably could have just gone to the United gate and gotten a boarding pass there. But no one could tell me where that gate was except the ticket agent. Not sure why. Even the monitors didn't show the United flight, and that's because it was in another terminal. So I took the long way but at least I got here.

So I think my interview today went well. It was a group situation where you sit at a conference table and your future peers throw interview-like questions at you. I haven't had one like that before but I've certainly heard of them. Intimidating? Yes. But it also gave me a chance to give some really good answers that show the breadth of my experience and what I've learned from it all. It wasn't perfect, but no interview is. You always come out of there thinking, why did I say that? Or, why didn't I say this? But it was good practice even if nothing else comes out of it. And I got to see a real studio.

Speaking of practice, I seem to have gotten two interviews for the price of one. Before I closed up the laptop yesterday and packed it, I checked my email. There was a note from a recruiter at ILM who wanted to schedule a time to talk. So I chatted with her this morning about a position very similar to what I interviewed for at Sony. I like her approach: She told me what it paid and what the shift was right up front. I always thought it was way better to know that stuff in the beginning because it sucks to go through a long, drawn out interview process, especially where travel's involved, only to find out at the end that you can't afford to do it. It's not a perfect salary but it's about what I expected and tomorrow I'll be contacted by someone who will schedule me for a phone interview with the render support department head. That will probably happen sometime next week.

Despite how broke I am nowadays, I hope I get to go to San Francisco for an interview. I would really like to compare cities and have a real choice before I have to make a decision. And besides, someone has to be holding Citibank up, so it might as well be me. How else do you think they could afford to take over Wachovia last week?
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/10/beware-of-code-share.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/10/beware-of-code-share.html Life with CG ILM Sony Thu, 02 Oct 2008 22:34:08 -0600
So despite my shell scripting class being cancelled (apparently I was the only one who signed up for it), I tackled the Sony test and passed. I have an interview on October 2. I'm flying to LA on the first and back on the third... I wanted to come back on the second but I couldn't get a flight late enough to ensure I wouldn't be cutting the interview short. Sony informed me that they don't have an actual position open right now but they interview constantly for when one comes up, which usually happens rather quickly. That's fine with me. Really, it is. I look forward to finally seeing a real studio in action without having to worry about making a quick, life-altering decision in just under two weeks from now. It really takes the pressure off. Of course after I see the place and meet the people I might feel more relaxed anyway. I'll know when I find the right thing.

And yet with the pressure of that interview off, there's still plenty of pressure to be had. On Friday I agreed to do a freelance web project in my spare time. Spare??? I really like the people I'll be working for, but as usually happens when I take on a freelance job, I became immediately paralyzed with stress and was completely unproductive and resentful for the entire weekend. Sometimes it only takes one more thing and I freeze under the weight of it all. I am at an age where my free time is important to me, but I also owe a ton of money from my trip to LA and will continue to owe money as long as I keep flying to California for interviews. And then there's the whole possibility of actually moving there, which will take the most money by far. It makes sense for me to do this, and I know it's something I can do and do well. And yet it pisses me off that I need to. There are other things I want to do, like paint, write another novel in November like I did last year (check out NANOWRIMO), plan out my next festival piece, work on some images showing a creative use of light. It's all running around in my head at all times, dying to get out and become real. But I guess I had already written that stuff off anyway until the rest of my life gets settled. I still have a lot of learning left to do (Python) and this year is disappearing fast. And now I have a second job on top of it all.

So I put Python on hold for the Sony test and now I'm back on it, or at least I'm trying to be. I finally had the brilliant idea today to assign myself an actual project that would throw me in head first and really teach me something. So I contacted a (new) friend at ILM who used to have the position I would like to get, and asked him what kind of project would be relevant to the job and get me going in the language. He gave me a doozy, two in fact. Perfect. I like it when I have no idea how to start. Because by the time I'm done I can usually do just about anything. Wish I had thought of this last week, I could have worked on it all weekend. But I guess I wasn't in the right frame of mind anyway. Sometimes I guess you just need to power down for a while and get some perspective. And sleep.

Now that I have my assignment, I want it done already. Because it showed me just how far I have to go and how little time I have left to do it. It's the Sony test all over again, except no one will be grading this. I just want to be able to talk about the language like I actually know something, should I get the chance. And I think I will. In fact, I think it will be soon, which is freaking me out.

I need a week off.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/09/my-life-is-a-background-proces.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/09/my-life-is-a-background-proces.html Life with CG ILM Sony Mon, 22 Sep 2008 23:35:35 -0600
I left resumes and reels all over the job fair. For those who wouldn't take reels, or who I didn't get to talk to for whatever reason, I sent emails a little over a week ago. I sent emails to some I had talked to as well, just to follow up. The waiting game has definitely begun, and luckily I have plenty of learning (and relearning) to do in the meantime. But then last Friday I got an email from Sony Imageworks. They reviewed my resume and wanted to know if I was interested in an interview. Sure! So they sent me a test to evaluate some of the skills I would need as an employee, and if I do well I'll get an interview. I'm not at liberty to discuss what is on the test, but let's just say it definitely confirmed that taking this shell scripting class is a good idea! I've already tackled most of the test but I'm not totally comfortable with all of it, so I asked if I could delay sending in my answers until after I take the class. I almost didn't expect to be able to, because you're supposed to be able to turn things around quickly in the real world. But they said yes, take the time you need. I'm glad I have the chance to send in my best work and not rush through it. I do need practice with this stuff, I already knew that. Now I know just how much. So I'll stay busy for a while for sure.

So as the calls and emails continue to pour in over the next few months (I'm being funny there), I'm not going to go into my specific opinions on the different companies or people I talk to. I have my preferences right now, I know where I would like to go and what I would like to do, but I'm going to keep that to myself. You never know how your opinions might change when you meet new people, see new situations and have some real interviews. You also never know how your comments will be interpreted by potential employers. So until I have an actual job offer in hand, I'm sticking with the facts and saving the editorial for another time, and maybe even another place. I will say though that I haven't met anyone in this business that I don't have a high opinion of or at least didn't enjoy talking to at the show. The future looks bright. And my cell phone is now on me at all times.

It's not just about the new people I've met though. CG is a much smaller world than you would think, and I ran into plenty of old friends as well. Someone once asked me if I had any friends that would go out on a limb to help me get a job somewhere. The answer is an unequivocal yes. In fact, that's how I got my job at Multigen, and there's a good chance that's how I'm going to land the next job too. At least if everything works out the way I would like. But that is a mystery to be revealed at a later time.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/09/operators-are-standing-by.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/09/operators-are-standing-by.html Life with CG SIGGRAPH Sony Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:39:33 -0600 reel and stills pages on the main site.

It took me a couple of days to figure out what happened but it's really pretty simple. At first I thought I had lost the link to the texture but that wasn't the case. Actually it had to do with two things. First, when I set up this project years ago, I didn't do the specular pass right. I used it solely for the sharp highlights on the windows and tentacles and left the sheen on the rest of the ship in the diffuse pass. Second, that came back to bite me when I turned off the specular component of the lights in my diffuse pass this time around. That wasn't an option in Maya 2 and 3, but it is now, and usually that makes a spec pass a lot easier to do. But when I turned it off, I lost that shiny surface as well as the sharp highlights. I'd like to think that if I had been getting more sleep a few weeks ago I would have caught it in time but who knows. The important thing is, I caught it and I fixed it. It's not on the DVDs--I figure I'll get rid of the ones I have before I make new ones, unless something drastic happens--but it is on the site.

The next thing I want to accomplish before working on anything new is posting the entire hippo animation on the site in addition to the excerpt that's in my reel. I'll have it as a separate link on the reel page for anyone who's interested. This is going to be a little more difficult though. There are a lot of intermediate QuickTime movies that have to be recreated just right to work in my Final Cut project from a few years ago, and I'm not sure that's going to happen so easily. I might be facing an editing nightmare. In fact, I really should re-edit the thing anyway because it doesn't necessarily need to be that long. I don't know. I guess I'll make that decision when I see how long it's taking me to do it.

So that's it for now. I'm going to start rendering the frames I was missing in LA and then go to bed. Oh yeah, I'm getting somewhat decent sleep now. I like it. Perhaps I shouldn't get used to it.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/i-found-my-spec-map.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/i-found-my-spec-map.html Lighting & texturing Mon, 25 Aug 2008 23:48:47 -0600
It's easy to sleep these days but hard to relax. I need some ideas for 2D work that will show off some creative lighting and I'm impatient. Right now my reel only shows realistic lighting and you can't tell by looking at it that I can do anything but copy the real world. I want to start with 2D work and then maybe duplicate it in 3D while I'm waiting for that job to come along... I'll add to my reel as I can and just keep working until it gets me where I want to go. But I can't help wanting it done right now so I can keep my name in the minds of those I met in LA. I don't want to disappear for six months and then try to reconnect with everyone; however, if that's the way it has to be to get the quality I'm after, then so be it. The fact that my current gig is over at the end of the year is another issue I'll have to tackle later.

I don't feel like the same person I was before I went to LA. I guess I went out there and saw what I had been missing all these years, what I had given up to stay in Texas. Things are good out there, people are hiring. I heard nothing about contract work or layoffs after the movies were completed like I was hearing six years ago. Business is booming out there. And my friends are out there. Last week I finally felt like I was right where I belonged, probably for the first time in years, instead of trying to fit in like a square peg in a round hole. I'm going to get some sleep, get some good ideas and keep working. And keep an open mind about the future.

I already have some vague images in my mind that I might work with, but I need some time and space to let them develop into concrete ideas. My dad is coming to visit this weekend and we're going to hit the museums in Ft. Worth. Maybe all that painted light will spark something I can use. And I still need to fix the problems with the bug and the hippo. I guess I'll do that first when I can bring myself to clean up the office and actually open Maya again. Right now it sounds a little painful, but I have a feeling once I open it and start working I'll feel right at home.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/waiting-to-feel-better.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/waiting-to-feel-better.html Life with CG Tue, 19 Aug 2008 00:12:10 -0600
I'll bet they go through the same thing at the Olympics. It's been really interesting to go to the hotel room at night and turn on the games, watching swimming or gymnastics and seeing that for all of us, no matter how hard you work, there's always an element of luck involved. SIGGRAPH is its own Olympics in a way, a mecca for intellectual and artistic overachievers rather than athletic ones. You work and work for months, even years, and you get your animation in or you don't. You get a job offer or you don't. You never know for sure if your effort will be rewarded, and no matter how much sleep you lose or how rejected you feel or even how successful you might have been, when you go home you start all over again. You have no choice. It's what keeps you alive.

I really have little to be disappointed about. I've been out of this world for six years and just jumped back into it four months ago. I met people who were genuinely interested in hiring me, even if it's as a pipeline programmer. And a couple of small miracles happened yesterday as well. I went to a round table discussion on lighting that included the lighting lead on Wall-E and a guy from Dreamworks, among others. The Pixar guy gave the best, most informative presentation of all of them and it was like the light bulb came on for me (no pun intended) in so many areas I didn't really understand before. I had a flash of inspiration and thought, I should go down there and talk to him when this is over. Then I thought, I probably won't do it. I'm a relatively shy person and I often have big ideas like this that when confronted with the opportunity, evaporate inside my own fear of looking stupid. And yet when the talk was over, I found myself going down the stairs to the front while everyone else was going up and out the door, and before I knew it I was talking to the guy.

I introduced myself and told him that I wanted to be a lighting TD more than anything. And I thanked him for his presentation because it was the best information I had gotten in or out of school about how they do things in the real world. He seemed to appreciate that, saying he was afraid he had been rambling too much. No way. In fact, he had said that on demo reels they like to see a lot of personal work, and they like to see that you can light something, even if it's in a photo or a painting. I told him that was really encouraging to hear because since I'm not in the industry, personal work is all I have, and I even threw some photos on my site the other day when Keith had mentioned the same thing. I told him that I had a backpack full of reels knowing full well that they represent a work in progress and as a result of his talk, I knew what my next steps had to be. He encouraged me to apply and send in my stuff, and so I offered him my card and he took it, checking to make sure my URL was on there. Given where my work stands right now I don't expect anything beyond that, but it was a small personal triumph. And he was a really nice guy. A lot of people have been talking here about Pixar's "elitist" attitude, how it stinks that they're not taking reels, etc. I didn't get that feeling at all from him. Not at all. As usual, it all depends on who you talk to.

Last night SIGGRAPH had their welcome reception at Dodger Stadium where we got tons of free food and watched the Dodgers play the Phillies. I've never been a baseball fan, in fact I always thought it was slow and boring. But I think after last night I understand it a little better. At least from my point of view, it's less about the game and more about the comradery among audience members. I think we were all bored. And after a while, someone started the wave and it went around three times. That felt like an accomplishment. A ball flew into our stands and someone caught it. During the 7th inning stretch everyone stood up and sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game. And there's a real person there playing a real organ! After a while it was just really cool. I took some shots on my camera phone. Maybe I can find a way to get them off there soon.

But I digress a bit. Because last night at the game I saw someone I hadn't seen in a long time. His name is David and I used to work with him at Multigen until he quit and went to Link in Arlington. As far as I knew he was still there, until Margaret started asking him if he knew people from the lab... this person, that person... I couldn't figure out why she was asking that until I looked at his badge. He's working at ILM and has been for a year and a half! And he gave me his card and said that I should go to their web site and if I see a job I like, let him know because recommendations from employees are taken very seriously over there. Wow. That's definitely on my to do list now. And the interesting thing is, my reel shows more realistic than creative lighting, which is more of an ILM skill than a Pixar skill. I may have more of a Pixar personality but I can do that kind of stuff on my own time. Seriously, who would complain about having to work on Star Wars? Not me.

So despite being a bit down today I have a pretty clear path ahead of me, even if it is a long one. I have a few online applications to make and some changes to my existing reel (basically fixing problems that shouldn't have happened in the first place). I need to do some artistic projects, paintings or otherwise, that show a very creative use of light. Then I need to start on the next project. I don't know what it is yet but I have time to think it through this time. It may be that 617 project I never finished, because I do really like the story. Or it may be something new. I don't know yet. All I know is I'm over the potato. It was a great way to learn Maya again but I can do much better than that. As I see it, I have three hours tomorrow on the plane to figure it out. And then I'm off and running again.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/i-wonder-if-olympians-go-throu.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/i-wonder-if-olympians-go-throu.html Life with CG SIGGRAPH Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:07:27 -0600
So the job fair wraps up tomorrow and it's been kind of a weird experience. Yesterday I went from booth to booth leaving reels for those who would take them and gathering information from the rest. Of course Pixar's not taking reels, they say "apply online." Yeah, right. I left a reel at Digital Domain (The Mummy), dropped one off at Blue Sky (Horton Hears a Who), left one at O-mation (they do some stuff for Nickelodeon), and then actually sat down with someone at Nickelodeon who looked at my reel right then and there. They're looking for lighters. He liked my lighting and wants his lighting guy to look at my reel, but he's in India for 2 weeks so I have to apply online and then he'll flag my application for this other guy to look at. That's the most encouraging thing that happened on the first day, and it happened early so that pretty much gave me the confidence to go on.

I had two discussions yesterday that were kind of interesting. I went by Rhythm & Hues (Incredible Hulk) and told them what I was looking for and what my experience was. I'm in a weird position because since I'm out of school I can't get an internship, but at the same time I don't have experience doing actual shot work and most of them will only hire an intern or someone with industry experience. So this guy at R&H tells me I would be a good fit for their apprenticeship program. They pay for your travel out there, they pay you while you're there and they pay room and board while you're there. A lighting apprenticeship lasts about four weeks and they hire 50%-75% of their apprentices. Sounded like something worth looking at.

I had another interesting conversation with a girl at Sony Imageworks (Monster House) who said I would start there in the render pipeline, especially with my programming experience, and then work my way out into lighting. She said that's a common path for lighters and it really didn't surprise me at all since I don't even have so much as an internship under my belt. Apparently Sony hires directly from its own render department all the time, you just have to get in there, get to know people and make a name for yourself. I can do that.

So I figured that was it for yesterday until I was walking to the animation festival and saw a booth in the lobby all by itself. It had a giant panda next to it. It was Dreamworks (Kung Fu Panda) and I asked them why they were out there all alone. They told me they were just directing people to their recruiting suite upstairs and if you had a reel they encouraged you to go up there. So I did. Man, they had a setup. Life-size graphics from the movies they've done, couches, even a receptionist. I gave them my stuff and they told me they'd be looking at it during the week and then contacting people for interviews in the next couple of days. Wow, ok, I'll give that a shot for sure.

So last night ReelFx and the Viz Lab had a joint happy hour in the parking lot across from the convention center. This is what I was really looking forward to, and Margaret had told me she would introduce me to David Parrish, who is a former Vizzer and was looking for people. I'm not sure what Margaret's title is exactly but she's basically the glue that holds the lab together. She organizes everything, she knows the recruiters, she knows it all. So she introduced me and I gave him my reel and he said, "Have I seen this before?" So I said, "Maybe, I gave one to Tim a few months ago at a Short Guys meeting." He then told me that they don't have any openings for lighters so they might not be able to squeeze me in this week. Huh. Ok. That was a bust.

So Margaret's telling me how great I look and I tell her that I was dressed up to do the job fair thing. She says, oh don't do that anymore. We have contacts, I'll introduce you. So I caught her at the A&M exhibit this morning and she took me around. We went to Pixar first, where she introduced me to a guy who came through the lab after me and is now a shader writer. Then Keith comes by. Keith and I were there at the same time. This is all looking encouraging for about a minute until they tell me that they hire interns or people with industry experience and that's it, period. But oh yeah, I'm doing the right thing working on my own and I should keep doing it. Really? Because it doesn't sound like it's going to make a difference because I can't be an intern and I still don't have experience. But at least I got some confirmation that I was on the right track, and I still believe one of these days it's going to pay off. I have to believe that. Besides the fact that I'm happier now than I've been in years, too many things have magically fallen into place since I made the decision to go back into cg. That's not a coincidence. And the visit wasn't exactly a bust, I found out something from Keith that I didn't know before, and Margaret said she had never heard it either. They like to see work other than cg on a lighting reel, such as photography. I couldn't get to my laptop fast enough after he said that. I just happened to have the digital photos I took in Cisco a few years ago and they're the best examples of creative lighting I have anywhere. I had those posted on my site within a couple of hours.

So then Margaret takes me back by the Rhythm & Hues booth and introduces me to Ruth. I like Ruth. Ruth is very cool. She knows the company I used to work for doing flight sim and she knows what kind of work I was doing. She says, you would be great in the render pipeline. So here's that pipeline thing again. It's still not a surprising response to me, I know plenty of people who had to pay their dues there. And once again, it's a common starting point for lighters. But she loves that I have all that programming experience and seems really excited about looking at my resume and my work. So I tell her I dropped it off the day before and they marked it for an apprenticeship. She gets this look on her face. "Ok, it's going to get sorted wrong. I'm going to take you out of there. Can you email me tonight?" Yes. So she writes down her info and tells me to send her my resume. I had it to her after lunch. You know why? BECAUSE I BROUGHT THE LAPTOP.

I started to wander around after that and found the ILM booth. They were taking reels. Interesting... Pixar and Imageworks weren't taking them (can you imagine how many DVDs they'd be hauling back to their hotel rooms?), but just as many people want to work on Star Wars and Lucasfilm is actually taking reels and looking at them. How nice of them. So I left them one. And that was the end of my job search for today.

Originally I had followed the SIGGRAPH job fair path, which took you through creating a CreativeHeads.net profile and looking at job postings through that system. And that system said who was going to be at the job fair and who wouldn't. Well forget that, it's only a small slice of what's really happening here. The big studios had booths in the exhibition already and they handed out recruiting info and those who were interested collected reels. They don't have to go through CreativeHeads.net, they have their own systems, they don't need the help of a job search site. This is something I thought might be a possibility in the beginning but wasn't sure, so that's why I burned so many DVDs. Glad I did. Because the big ones are definitely here and I'm glad I didn't rely completely on what SIGGRAPH was telling me.

I have to say that overall I've been pleasantly surprised with the response I've been getting. No one has said, "You can't do this." Even Pixar said basically I may have to do something else first, maybe work somewhere else first, but they didn't just say no, you missed your window. What's really encouraging is that they all seem to be actively hiring. And the biggest surprise of all to me is the fact that all that boring military work I did for four years just might be my ticket in the door. I knew it would help, but I didn't know it would help that much. So we'll see over the next couple of weeks if I hear from anyone.

You know what scares me? Los Angeles.
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/the-best-decision-i-ever-made.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/the-best-decision-i-ever-made.html Life with CG SIGGRAPH Thu, 14 Aug 2008 04:10:49 -0600
What a freakin' mess this has become. The ambient pass on my hippo animation was bad so I had to rerender it, which took until about 6am on Sunday morning. In the meantime, I made changes to my bug ship and rendered that out in After Effects on the laptop. I also put together a short sequence with the potato still while I waited. I had all my resumes printed full bleed on 11x17 so I had to cut those out with an xacto, and I had to do the same for my DVD case inserts. So given that I had all these other things to do, I was ok with the fact that I had a 14 hour render going on the main computer. Except that when things started to go bad, they didn't stop.

First, I sliced my left index finger with the xacto. I mean SLICED. (I have to take the band-aid off to type and unfortunately my spares are in the hotel room so hopefully my finger will hold itself together for a few hours.) Then, knowing that the render would take too long for me to finish my work at home, I had to start loading software onto my laptop. Let me just say that Adobe has really screwed things up royally with their installer and given the amount of information posted on the subject I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. I didn't get CS3 loaded until almost 8 Saturday night. Then I had to load Final Cut Studio so I could make DVDs in my hotel room. That was easy. I decided not to load Maya because 1. I wasn't convinced a second copy would work, 2. I was running out of disk space and 3. I was pretty sure I wouldn't need it at this point. So I put together the bug and the potato in After Effects and went to bed at about 3 on Sunday morning. Then my alarm went off at 7:30 and just as I was trying to get my eyes open enough to get up, I fell asleep again. I had no time for this. My mom was showing up at 8:30, I had to color correct the hippo on the main computer where I had a decent monitor to look at, and then I had to copy all my files over to the laptop and be on my way. At least I had done most of my packing the night before but when I finally opened my eyes again at 8:30 I knew it was going to be a rough day. I just didn't know how rough.

We got out of the house by 9:30 and I got to the airport in plenty of time, so while I waited for the plane I got out the laptop and started compositing my hippo frames. About five minutes before we were to start boarding I realized that I was missing about 60 frames from my ambient pass. CRAP!!! I went over the options in my mind and decided to call Mom (who's at my house cat-sitting) and walk her through editing my render script and running it. Now she has no experience at all on a Mac but she's a smart person and I thought if I explained in enough detail that we might get it to work before I was on the plane and forced to hang up. There was just one obstacle I hadn't taken into account. She had no experience dealing with a small mouse pad and a 23" screen. She couldn't control the mouse pointer. Whenever she would highlight something in a list of files she would lose it and wouldn't know how to get back. And then there's the issue of whenever you click on the desktop, you're no longer in your application. And the menus don't look all that different from each other. By the time it was over I think she even had Maya open but didn't know how she got there or how to get out.

I managed to get her into TextEdit and get the render script open, but the plane was starting to leave the gate and the flight attendent came by and said, "You need to hang up RIGHT NOW." That was that. No productive rendering during my 3-hour flight. After I stopped bitching under my breath I decided to continue working with the frames I did have and then come up with another plan when I got to LA.

Then I realized I wasn't missing 60 frames. I was missing 120. There was no way I could talk Mom through that one, including zipping up all the files and uploading them to my web site. I was screwed.

I stewed for a while (it was a 3-hour flight, I had time) but then decided that since I was going to use just an excerpt anyway, I would check the most interesting shots and see if they were ok. They were. I edited together the last 30 seconds of the animation knowing I would have to get creative with the sound later because the sound of the golf ball hitting the hippo had to be synched, but there was music over it and if you cut it wrong, it would sound like crap. I didn't have the individual sound effects, it was all put together on one sound track. But I would worry about that in LA.

Except for one thing. I hadn't thought to bring headphones, and I couldn't fathom trying to deal with sound editing using laptop speakers. Great. I would have to find headphones when I got to LA, having no car and no idea where I was or what was around me. But hey, even earbuds would work. I'd take anything. I'd find something.

After an hour long tour of the worst parts of LA (or maybe that's all there is), the shuttle finally dropped me off at my hotel at almost 3. Good news, there's a McDonalds across the street and a row of shops. Maybe there are headphones somewhere in there. I take off with my backpack and start walking down Wilshire. And I only go one block and there it is, Radio Shack. Perfect. Even if I run out of DVDs I'm ok.

So after I went to the convention center and back for my registration I finally started working on my reel again at about 5. I had brought DVDs, jewel cases, a label applicator, and all the crap you could ever need to build and assemble. I felt good about my 30-second hippo plan, and I was looking forward to getting it edited in Final Cut so I could start burning. I started to assemble the bug ship animation. And then...

WHERE IS MY SPECULAR MAP????
(Why didn't I load Maya????)

I don't know what happened or where or when, but the original animation years ago had this nice sheen on the ship. This version did not have it. There was nothing I could do. Anyone who wasn't familiar with the animation wouldn't know the difference, but I did and I knew that was the final, crowning touch that made it so freakin' beautiful. I was PISSED. I WAS FURIOUS!!! This is what happens when you go on no sleep for 2 months, everything comes out half-assed, no matter what your intentions.

I had to make peace with this or there wasn't going to be a reel at all. I'm still getting over it, telling myself that I'll fix it and update the site as soon as I get home. But I'm still pissed. I only got one still out of the whole potato project, I lost half of the hippo and probably the best part of the bug ship. For what? Is anything going to come out of this at all? Is it worth all the blank DVDs I brought with me and all the labels I had printed? GRRRRRR......  I know what the quality can be and I know what the quality is, and I'm having a hard time reconciling the two right now. But it is what it is and it's better that I work with something than nothing. So we'll see.

I still haven't had any decent sleep. After the reel was put together last night I still had to update my site, and that put me in bed at about 3 LA time (5 Texas time). I got 4 hours, tonight I'll get more. And maybe things will look better once I do.

I know for the last few days I've owed various people emails and phone calls and you name it, but that final push basically pushed me off the face of the earth. And given how it all went down, I'm not quite ready to reappear yet. But I'm here, the show is cool, and I'm going to make as much out of this opportunity as I can with what I have. And hope people laugh at the potato for all the right reasons, if they see it at all. ]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/rendered-senseless.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/rendered-senseless.html Life with CG Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:36:51 -0600
]]> http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/my-new-site-is-up.html http://www.artful-i.com/blog/2008/08/my-new-site-is-up.html Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:24:03 -0600