Life with CG: June 2008 Archives

Tonight was the first time since I went to the Viz lab that I came out of a movie wondering what was the easiest way to sell 2/3 of my stuff and get my cat to California. And it wasn't just the beauty of the movie, which was astonishing; it was the story. I was so in awe of the originality of the art and the concept itself that I sat there dumbfounded well into the credits, almost forgetting to look for the names of my friends. I was ready to go work for Pixar--earthquakes, long hours and ridiculous cost of living be damned. I haven't felt that way in a long time.

But alas, here I am in Texas, about 12 days behind schedule. I got stuck on a faucet this week and I decided not to post any more pictures until the bathroom model is complete. I have a lot of time to make up and only six weeks to do it. And I get so carried away on the work itself that I stay up too late to read my mental ray book. I have a lot to catch up there too. I'll have to start rendering pretty soon, it would help if I knew how to do it!

I always approach each weekend with extreme optimism: "I'll finish the model this weekend," "I'll finish the model and start the next one," "I'll finish the model, do the character and start the texturing," etc. I never get nearly as far as I think I can, I always get hung up on something, my perfectionism pulling me two steps back for every one forward. If there's one thing that hit home during the movie tonight though, it was the idea of quality over quantity. Yes, I would like to show as many different lighting scenarios as I can. Yes, I would like an outdoor as well as an indoor environment to work with, plus a character. But there are six weeks left and it has to be good. Not big, just good. Really good. The bathroom will be the most complex environment to light so I'm glad I started there. I'm starting to think I might have to stop there as well. I will still do a character but the car wash just might be too much.

No big decisions as of yet, but at least my priorities are set. Bathroom: definitely. Character: definitely (not sure if I'll stick with the snowman but so far it's the simplest idea I've had). Car wash: maybe. If time permits.

If I don't do the car wash, everything else better be damn good.

I'm a few days late in writing this but it's probably for the best. It's been a stressful, even emotional week and as I sit here in bed with my laptop I finally feel like I have enough of a grip on everything to finally put down the whole story. So here goes the Rendered Speechless Prequel, the post that explains it all.

I quit my job last Wednesday. I have accepted a 6-month contract position with Collin County to work on their HUGE web site. Sound crazy? Well, it might be, and then again it might be the best decision I've made in a long time. I started looking a few months ago for a full time job because I felt like I was in over my head at my current job. I was perfect for that position two years ago when our projects were brochure sites, but now we're getting requests for content management systems and other technical requirements that I personally don't understand very well and don't have the time to figure out, at least not there. So having taken my web team as far as I could, I decided it was probably time I moved on, and hopefully into a position that would teach me more about web development than I had been able to learn so far. The Collin County job appeared on my radar months ago thanks to a friend of mine, but I immediately dismissed it because it was a contract position. I need stability and I need that health insurance. So thanks, but back to the drawing board.

Weeks turned into months and I couldn't find anything that fit. Design, development, you name it, it didn't feel right, I was underqualified, I was overqualified. I applied, I sent out resumes, I got no response. I saw jobs I had applied for disappear off the boards without so much as an email of rejection. I was frustrated and trapped. And the frustration of knowing my team needed a more skilled leader started to show through in my attitude at work and my stress level. Something had to give, but I was running out of options.

One day in February I got an email invitation to a Wednesday night showing of some animated shorts at UTD. Sounded like it was up my alley but I know how lazy I can be and it was a last minute decision to actually show up there. But I did, and I was inspired. Something that had been asleep inside me for a long time started to open its eyes and look around. I walked out thinking, "I need to be doing this again."

And that was the last I thought about it. At least until March, when I applied for yet another job and saw the posting disappear seemingly right before my eyes. It was a position a mile from my house in McKinney, and getting rid of my commute to Richardson was looking really, really good. The job itself wasn't the most exciting but I knew I could do it and probably quite well, and getting home at 5 would be a welcome change. I built a killer application, I got my hopes up. And then, poof. Gone.

So that night at about 11:30, having nothing left to lose except sleep, I looked at the ReelFX web site, which was as far as I was concerned the Portal of the Unattainable Dream. I explored, I looked at their job postings. I saw one I liked: Lighter/Compositor. It was my passion at the Viz Lab; I knew I could do it but it's been a long, long time. I filled out the form and applied anyway. What could it hurt? I knew I wouldn't hear back, but at least I would have finally applied for something I really wanted. I would have responded to disappointment by taking action.

And then something strange happened. As I sat there contemplating what I had just done, thinking of how much laughter my work would get if someone at ReelFX actually looked at my site, I started to wonder, why not build a new reel? I've already applied so I won't be rushed to come up with something brilliant before the posting is gone, instead I can take my time while I wait for the next one to go up. And by then perhaps they will recognize my name. You never know. But it was a big job. Could I do it? Could I tackle something that huge in my free time and see it through?

And then reality hit. What free time? I feel like when I'm not working, I'm in my car either going to work or coming from work. My life was about work and whatever it took to get there, leave there, or just plain keep the job itself. If I were to take this on, something had to change.

But that's where it got complicated. I already needed a new job, but I couldn't just get another full time job and quit in 3 to 6 months when I got my reel done and got the job I really wanted (optimism). "Sorry, didn't really want this job, had something better in mind..." Uh, no. That wouldn't be fair. What I needed was a CONTRACT job, something that would pay the rent and be closer to home. Something that had a beginning and an end, so there would be no surprises when I left.

Gee, didn't I hear something about a contract web developer job at Collin County?

Sure enough, the posting was still up. So I applied and here I am, ready to start on June 23. And as if I haven't given enough reasons why this is a good idea already, here's the biggest one of all. I'm going to learn a TON here. I'm going to learn what I couldn't learn at BWC because I didn't have time and didn't know where to start. So no matter what happens, in 6 months I'll be more marketable as a web developer than I ever was before. There's even a chance I could replace my boss when he leaves to go into politics. If I need to stay in this industry, I can. But I'm hoping I won't.

So that's it. It was just a few days after I made the decision to get back into animation that I got the invitation to the Short Guys portfolio review, and the rest is history (see the "How to be a lighter/compositor" post from last March). I took that as I sign that I was on the right track, probably for the first time since I decided to go back to school. It's been just over 3 months since I decided to go back into CG and look how far I've come. Not only that, but they've already hired my replacement at BWC, someone I recommended. That's right, in only 2 days they've hired one of my former students to take over my position, and she's someone who was not only in between jobs at just the right time, but who can really take that web team where it needs to go. Things seem to be working out all the way around.

So I have one more week at BWC, a short trip to Austin and then Lake Bridgeport, and then I'll be getting off at 5 every day, just a mile from home. It's getting very close to SIGGRAPH already, and I plan to have a reel to show at the job fair. My evenings are about to get very busy. But at least it won't be because of traffic anymore. Stay tuned!

One last happy thought: I saw Kung Fu Panda last night. Awesome! It inspired me (so to speak) to make an inspiration page. It contains screen shots of all the CG scenes I could get my hands on that showed interesting or just plain beautiful lighting. I may also add paintings and photos and any other examples I can find of creative lighting. Right now it's mostly comprised of Pixar's work but hey, might as well start at the top.

It's nice to have a passion again.