Life in general: May 2009 Archives

Nebraska said no. Or maybe I should say, those nerds at Northrop Grumman in Nebraska said no.

You know what really gets me? I checked my application status every day since I applied (April 12 to be exact), and every day it said "Candidate Pool." That's the very first stage before a recruiter actually looks at your application. So the day I got my rejection, I checked and it said "Candidate Pool." Ten minutes after I checked, I got an email that said "Management has thoroughly reviewed your resume and do not believe this position is a good fit with your current skills and experience."

So does that mean that it only takes ten minutes for management to "thoroughly" review my resume, or does that mean the recruiter considers herself "management" and it only takes her ten minutes to "thoroughly" review my resume, or does it mean no one actually updates that system until they want to cross you off the list, or does it just mean like most HR departments, they're feeding me a load of crap?

Well never mind. I did have my heart set on an interview for that one. Anything with weather in it would be really interesting for me. And anything not in Texas would be well worth a try. I'm in a position to go absolutely anywhere I want and I can't even get my foot in the door.

Now get this. I applied months ago for a job in medical simulation in Denver. I never heard a word. Today they relisted the job with a few more specifics - skills I don't have - but then added a line at the bottom: "LOCAL COLORADO candidates only please. We do not offer relocation assistance for this position."

Now I ask you, what does one have to do with the other? Or more to the point, why do they automatically assume that if you don't live there, you're going to try to mooch off them to get you up there? I could get there on my own if I needed to, and I don't think it's fair to count a person out based on their current location just because you assume they're going to need money to make the move. You don't know that, so at least ask them before you interview them. If they say yes they need help, then tell them you don't offer it and let them make the decision to go forward or not.

Lazy. That's all it is. They don't want to talk to any more people than they absolutely have to. It must be nice to have a job you can take for granted like that while you hold the lives of others in your hands. But who cares if WE have a job or not, or even a timely, honest response from HR, just so long as YOUR job is secure.

I sure would like to know where I'm going in this life, while I work seven days a week with no time to myself. If I knew what was in store, or just had something to look forward to, it would make this situation a lot easier to take. But it doesn't work that way. I'm just tired and frustrated. I haven't had a weekend off since February. I haven't had a paid holiday since Memorial Day 2008. I went to bed at 10 this morning and got up at 2:30. I have PMS. This is not a good day. I only hope it turns into a good life while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.

It's been a long time since I got in bed with my laptop before going to sleep. The laptop has been sitting on my desk for months keeping track of my email while I write code on the desktop. And it will continue to do that until this project is over, but tonight I needed a little blog-time. I'm getting rather frustrated and impatient and it's time to vent.

I've been working on the auction site for a couple of months now. Luckily the go-live date for the site is on the 4th of July weekend (sucks that it's on a holiday but it's good that I have that much time). What really sucks is that I need a full time day job again and I don't have one. I need something to force me back into a normal sleep schedule. I need something that doesn't require 60+ hours a week. I need something where I'm not likely to take a pay cut to extend a schedule or ensure that I continue to have a job at all. I need cheaper health insurance and a 401k. And I need to buy a house.

Most of all, I need time to have a life again. Not having one is really weighing on me.

Pixar is coming out with its 10th movie, Up, in a few weeks. I've seen a few ads for it lately. And every time I do, I get this twinge of jealousy, anger, self-pity... that sickening feeling of not being good enough. And it makes me not want to see the movie. But even though it would be really easy to be mad at Pixar, or the industry as a whole, I'm not. It's my current situation. I'm watching what I love pass me by. I have no time to work on my own stuff and I'm not getting any younger. I feel like as soon as I take time for myself, I'm going to get behind schedule, so I don't take time for myself. It's not worth the risk. If I were working on the animation I want to do and have wanted to do for years, I would jump at the chance to see Monsters vs. Aliens or Up or whatever came down the pike. I'd kill for the extra inspiration to put into my own work. But I'm not having the life I want and therefore, seeing that life in the distance just pisses me off.

At least it's temporary. I keep having to remind myself of that, and I have to make the right choices to make sure that it's really true. I'm glad I've had this experience, that I tried doing contract work and working from home. I always wondered if I could do it. I can do it, I just don't like it. Now I know. I'm ready for a normal life again. And I think I would be happier in it than I ever have been, knowing what the other side is really like. I'm not a fan of instability and I need some sort of imposed structure. Sure, I complain about it when I have it, but I need it. That much is obvious now.

I applied for a job in Nebraska. The title is "weather visualization developer." That is SO me. It appeals to both the computer graphics programmer and the weather freak in me. And I think I would feel very comfortable in that area of the country. I'm from Oklahoma; flat land feels good to me. I want to see the tornado coming and know I can run in the opposite direction without running into some annoying mountain. I'm also a big fan of corn. Yummy.

Luckily I have a way to log in to the application system and see my status. I applied on April 12 and they haven't even looked at the application yet. But that's a government contractor for you, moving at the speed of government. Oh well. It's better than being all the way through the process and rejected. So there's still hope. Hope is good.

It's time to go to the next phase. NOW. But it's after 5am so maybe I should go to sleep first.